Breaking Down

Today I literally felt at my worst... like really upset... You know, it is so unlike me to break down and get all depressed... but some people have had their moments I guess and today I had mine. I really felt strongly about giving up my studies just today - when often, I soldier on and fight like a warrior in these testing times. Just had so many things on my mind and felt like I could no longer cope with all the stress of working and studying and relationship. The only happy short-lived moments today were wishing my dad a Happy Father's Day in Spore and listening to the sermon on Stress. I mean, I felt good after the sermon, and learnt a fair bit. But somehow later on in the day, after lunching with church mates, I arrived home and started studying - and more so, just thinking about how I am going to pull these exams off basically with the time limit I have. I needed a miracle and a hope... But I guess it was also thoughts that flowed about other issues in my life. And that is when I really broke down - perhaps due to the accumulation of thoughts and emotions over the 6 mths I've been in Syd, whether I made the right decisions and choices in coming up here... whether I'm supposed to just work and not study audiology... whether I'm supposed to do something for ministry/missions in church over here... how I am to better my current LDR... why I am worrying so much that I can't totally trust Him fully... etc etc... That was when I just had to pour out the tears and fully turned to God and said "I don't know what to do anymore. I ache inside and you're the only strength I've got." I actually felt a little better after talking to Him... but yeah, it's tough being away from home where almost all your friends stay so far away and those who are not studying have their families here... you kinda think that if/when you need someone, you can't really walk down a street, knock on their door and ask them out for coffee or a chat or a hug. Yeah, miss those times where everyone was living quite near each other and reachable.
P.S. Note the change in my song on my blog - just a reminder between me and Christ I guess... that hope and everlasting love from Him. And that He's the best remedy for anything and everything, in every time and every place.