Recently, I accidentally sent out a Friendster Friend Request to everyone in my email address book, and it went to my most recent ex-boyfriend. He replied saying that he doesn't think I should be considered his friend and just an acquaintance. But that wasn't all... He started going on about the hurt and betrayal I have caused him and was bringing TY into it. He said, "The truth of the matter is that I was deeply hurt by both of you and I'm not putting myself on the firing line to be shot again." (one of his lines via a Frienster message) After reading the entire thing, I was like "What the? Why do you have to explain or repeat what has happened from about 2 years ago?"
Anyway, that was OK that he didn't want to be my friend. Some people think it's better not to be friends with their exs and I respect that.
What really stirred things up was when I found out by other sources that a rumour was being spread saying I cheated on him (A) with TY. This was never the case. Of course there are a few of you guys who know the real deal here. But I shall explain to the curious... 1) A and I broke up - people knew about this. 2) After A and I broke up, TY and I had some flirting going on at someone's place and people knew about this. 3) TY and I started going out and people knew about this - some expected it to happen and weren't surprised. I admit though that it was pretty quick to get together with TY, but I never cheated on A. 4) A saw TY and I together hand in hand on the streets. At this stage, it was only our second date and we hadn't officially told anyone, so he found out the wrong way. 5) A SMSed me the night saying "So all this while, you've been lying to me and cheating me behind my back with TY. I can't believe you just betrayed me." I tried to tell him this was not true, but he shut me out, not wanting to hear what I had to say. This led to witnesses, friends who saw TY's and my flirtatous gestures and how TY and I got together, to go up to him and tell him exactly what happened. Again, he shut us out and continued to believe what he saw. We could not say anything anymore, because he just would not listen. A is kinda like that. If he has a concept/idea that he strongly believes, he'll stick by it. Pride perhaps...
So, that was the scenario... I was pretty angry and hurt at the same time and I couldn't believe for starters, that even though our break-up had been a while ago, the rumour that I was cheating on A had spread across my church fellowship.
Well, I felt I had to clear the rumour up with A, so I wrote A an email. I emailed him to justify myself to try and stop these rumours spreading. Why I thought the rumours were spread from him? It's because he believed I cheated on him in the first place. Plus I couldn't think of anyone else who would cook up such a story except him really. I mean, this has been so long ago, but it seems to be recurring - every year, A would send me a hurtful reminder of how much I had hurt him, and if he continues to do that, it means he hasn't forgotten or forgiven or let go like he said he had in the message. I actually felt a bit bad for emailing his girlfriend too, but I thought that perhaps she'd be able to relate and put some kind of sense across to him, if he did spread those nasty remarks.
Well, today, he replied to that email regarding my accusation and he said he didn't spread that rumour. So now I am confused, because I am thinking "Who did?" It's unlikely that someone else will cook up a story like that. Also, he was the one who SMSed me the night after seeing TY and I on the streets, saying that I betrayed him, I had cheated on him all the time I was together with him, blah blah... So how was I to think that it wasn't him? I guess I will never really know if he's told the truth. Then again, he went on to say if I find the culprit, I should bring the culprit to him and clear it up with him. My response to that was "What? Are you kidding me?" Not sure if he was trying to be funny, but I told him that if he didn't spread those rumours, then basically not only TY and my reputation would be tarnished, his as well.
And just for the curious souls - thought I mention a few main pointers why I ditched him in the first place... I admit that in the past, I must have hurt him a lot when I was together with him. Maybe cause I was younger and didn't really feel like committing to a long-term relationship at that time. That was my immaturity back then... I used to run away from relationships if the other party got too serious and didn't want to think of settling down at all. I was also very study, study, study, and career-minded, as some of you might know. I was always ambitious, planning for travel and career pathways... Now though, my goals are different. I would really like to plan for a fam some day. A also gave me lots of uncertainties... it was like at times, I would feel that there is a slight possibility he may be the one, and at other times, it felt like it was not to be at all. To tell you guys the truth, I could not see myself marrying A at all. I might have been irrational at some points of our arguments as well, but our personalities clashed a lot and we thought differently. Every time I thought something, even if it was something simple, we never thought it the same way. We were certainly very different people. I am usually an outspoken person who love sharing my views or thoughts, but A would keep a lot to himself and I would struggle trying to communicate with him. Also, friends and parents didn't approve of him, and that was a big deal to me. He had the perspective of "it's just us" but a relationship is not about "just us", it's about everyone else who loves you to, or those around you. I guess what attracted me to him in the first place was probably his love for God and his spiritual insight to things. There's always the "But" - But while there was the spiritual growth, everything else was lacking... physically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically.
Now though, I have TY who is nothing like A. And I'm glad I wasn't the same in terms of relationships as I was before... I wasn't ready back then for a long-term commitment and now, I guess I am more confident and prepared for one. I also learnt that it's not a good thing to behave the same way as you were in your past relationships cause your new partner will be different. A new relationship is a new relationship and bringing past scenarios is kinda of a dangerous thing because you'll keep thinking your partner was like your ex (if you did have a bad break-up) I guess.
TY and I are indeed growing and learning together, and I enjoy his company and having numerous conversations with him (some pointless and some with sentiment, and of course, there are the ones where we butt heads). But overall, I have to say TY is like "unique, special treasure" and I don't think there's anyone who can truly replace him. Not that I know of yet... and not that I know what's to come. But we're living it step by step, day by day and we'll seek God for His blessings and guidance over us. For if it's meant to be, it's meant to be, and it will be in His rightful place in His rightful time - all in accordance to His plan. For now though, I will continue to learn to treasure and love my Tee Wee more, for I realised a guy like him is quite hard to come by. But for now, I will stick by him and support him through thick or thin, no matter what. And we'll see where we end up... (Thanks Mary for the little chat)
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